Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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