my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
