I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
