Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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