no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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