maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
