The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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