no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
COCAINE IS GR8
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
