Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
