we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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