2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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