My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
