you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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