I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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