You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And then my night got REAL pukey
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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