and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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