Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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