Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
