Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
