Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
