There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
