I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Please don't give away my fajitas
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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