eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I party with great urgency now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
