dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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