you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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