Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
