I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
