I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
