and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
