remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
