did you get engaged???
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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