Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
