so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
