I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
