If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i came on her dog
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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