i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
