Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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