you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
