im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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