I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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