Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
