he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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