woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
