oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
