Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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