I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
