is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
