I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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