He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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