im drinking this country out of the recession.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
