I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
