Whod you bang
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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