That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All the doctor said was why
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
