she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
