WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
