I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
