so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
