....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
