Just fell off a train. Bad.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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