I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
