It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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