We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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