i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
