I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
