Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She bit a glass in half.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
