Plan B is the new Plan A
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
