who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
