she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
