You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
