Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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