sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
