He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
