Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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