Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
