he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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