I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
