You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
