Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
