My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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