There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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