The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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