She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Farmville is her only friend.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
